Today is my brother's birthday. He passed away in 1999. Painting this portrait of him has been an emotional journey on so many counts. Like I said, bad references were a major issue. My emotional issues were also a huge barrier. Then, I kept seeing my son instead of my brother on the canvas. But the other day I looked at the canvas and my brother was smiling back at me. I sat there and cried, and cried, and cried. I felt him in the room with me. I felt his love, and his approval, and the joyful essence of him. And I missed him. And I loved him. And I was filled with gratitude that I was able to do this. A month from today is our father's 80th birthday. This painting is for him. I hope he sees Roger too.
Peek - A - Boo
HIs face is beginning to emerge. He has skin tones, though not enough yet. Some of his features are coming through. My problem is that whenever I stand back and look at him, I see my son. Am I seeing what isn't really there? Am I painting what I see subconsciously? Or am I just verifiably insane? We may never know.
Shape and Color
I heard my professor, Brian Hoover, say it 101 times and my own students hear me say it over and over again. There are only two things that can go wrong with a painting - shape and color. So the first thing I'm working on is creating a shape that will work. As I said, I am working from several different, very poor and very old references. If I were trying to create a generic person it would be one thing. But this is actually supposed to look like a particular person when I'm finished. So I have to be really careful about getting it right from the start.
Oh So Slowly
It doesn't look like I've done much here, but the truth is that I've done a lot of work that can't be seen on the canvas. The request is that I use one reference for the face, a different reference for the hat and clothes, and I have to adjust the lighting on the subject. So that big blob of brown in the middle of the canvas actually took a great deal of effort. Have I mentioned that this is going to be a very difficult painting? Yes, I'm whining about it.
The Hardest Thing
I was writing this blog post and got into the middle of a very personal and emotional bit about this painting when the page crashed. The internet didn't crash. My web browser didn't crash. My computer didn't crash. Just this page. I feel like I needed a minute to re-think what I was saying. So I'll just say this... This painting is going to be the hardest one I've ever done. It's a gift for someone I love dearly. He requested it of me long ago and I haven't been able to emotionally deal with painting it. But the time has come. I don't have any good references, he wants the references I do have to be combined, and I'm emotionally involved. All of these are a wonderful recipe for a grand disaster. So if you ever wanted to see a painter struggle, just keep following along with this one. It should be a great exercise in trial and error and trying again.